The Final Decision

There are people in this world who have short, incoherent dreams on a regular-to-constant basis.
I am not one of these people.
I rarely have dreams, but when I do they are vivid, almost disturbingly so, and incredibly bizarre.

I've always believed that dreams are a way for your subconscious mind to call your attention to things you may not be dealing with, but not much more than that... however after this latest one, my opinion may have changed.

I awoke laying face up in long, cool, bright green grass. It was approximately 65 degrees, and there were big fluffy clouds in the sky; the type you would stare at and see different shapes. I sat up and standing just ahead of me was the Grim Reaper. Classic depiction, black hooded robes, scythe, the whole nine yards. Naturally I was horrified, but almost immediately he removed his hood to reveal he was Hershel Greene from The Walking Dead.
If you don't watch The Walking Dead, it's actor Scott Wilson.
If you're not a movie buff, I don't know what to tell you..... Google him.

"Where am I?" I asked.
"Come with me." he said back.
"Where are we going?"
"There" he replied as he pointed over my head. I turned around to see we were only a few yards away from a massive, slightly rundown, and seemingly abandoned stone mansion. He began to walk towards it and motioned for me to follow.
We soon came to a beautifully landscaped courtyard, and sitting at a long table were four people. Audrey Hepburn, George Carlin, Rooney Mara, and Harland Williams. Hershel sat at the head, and I sat opposite him. There was an awkward silence for what seemed like an eternity when I finally permeated it by asking once again where we were and why I was here. That's when Hershel dropped the bomb: "This is Limbo, you are here to decide whether or not you want to live or die. My assistants are here to help you make your decision.
I was shocked by this and shouted, "LIMBO?! Why? What happened?! Am I dead?!"
"Not yet... not unless you want to be. Those details aren't important, what is important is that you listen to what they have to say, REALLY listen, and then make a decision." he replied.

I was scared, and confused, and unable to speak. The members of this council decided to use this as an opportunity to start.
Rooney and Harland began, arguing for the side of life. Truth be told I didn't need much convincing, but that's when Audrey and George pushed for the side of death. They made some disturbingly valid arguments, and I found myself less and less convinced that I was going to choose to live.
The four eventually turned on each other and started a heated internal debate. I sat there, silently, their voices fading as I was lost in my own thoughts. All of a sudden my mind was made up.
"I choose life."
Nobody heard me over the squabbling.
"I choose life!"
Hershel quieted everyone down and asked me again what I had said
"LIFE! LIFE! I WANT TO LIVE!" I shouted, both angrily and joyously.
"Are you absolutely sure?" He asked me
"I am.... I choose to live." I said back much more firmly.
"Very well" He replied.

Suddenly everything was silent, and pitch black. After a moment a faint sound was heard, which got progressively louder and my surroundings began to get brighter. It kept growing until the sound was almost unbearable and the light was blinding. I abruptly sprung up and realized  I was in my bed, with my alarm blaring in my ear.
Initially I brushed it off as another crazy dream, but deep down there's a piece of me that thinks it might not have been. Maybe that actually WAS Limbo, the celebrities I saw were just representations making death easier to deal with, and had I not chosen life, I simply wouldn't have woken up.

I'll just have to hope I made the right decision.

The steep price of comedy

I will preface this story by bringing everybody up to speed on something: I currently have a job as a maintenance-man for a parking company. I do work at a number of lots/garages all over southern MA, so a majority of my time is spent in the company truck. Being on the road so much, jumping from town to town, you tend to see some interesting things.
Today while on my route, I drove by a children's tutoring center called "Mathnasium" you know, like a gymnasium... just with more math...

Finding the name humorous, I was inspired to film an "Instavideo" (or Instagram video, for those of you who aren't up on your social network slang)

I pulled into the parking lot, and hopped out to start setting up my shot. I wasn't there more than a minute when the front door suddenly swung open and one of the employees came outside. She began questioning who I was, what I wanted, why I was taking pictures of their building, etc.

I was frozen, like a deer in the headlights. I held my breath, my heart began to pound, and I suddenly found myself facing what is commonly referred to as "Fight or Flight." For those of you not familiar with this concept this is when an animal faces a situation it deems dangerous, so some turn and run as fast as they can, others turn and attack to defend themselves.

Now if I had chosen "flight" I could have very easily just pounced into my truck and sped off, I could have even tried the old slapstick routine where I point behind her and scream "LOOK OVER THERE!" and when she turned I could make my escape.

Unfortunately, this isn't what my brain decided to do. It decided to "fight".... and boy did it ever!

Me: Oh, uhh, well, I was just passing by and your sign caught my eye, so I decided to pull in and get a closer look.
Her: May I ask what you were taking pictures of?

Now at this time, I could have just told her the truth. This woman didn't know me, and she'd certainly never see me again, so who cares what she thought... right? Wrong! See, that's how a RATIONAL person thinks, but not Jake Amirault! I summoned all of my bullshitting skills that I've been cultivating over the past 23 years and pressed on:

Me: I wanted to send it to my wife so she could do a little research... we're looking at programs for our son.
Her: Oh, well as you could probably deduce from our name, our main focus is on mathematics. Is that one of his problem areas?
Me: Indeed it is... He gets it honestly, I'm afraid. Kid never had a chance.
**we shared a laugh**
Her: Well, if you'd like to come inside I'll show you around, tell you a bit more about us and get you some paperwork.

here's the kicker, everybody... I AGREED!

I followed her inside, and she introduced herself as the "Center Director" Suzanne, very nice woman by the way, but that's neither here nor there. There were no kids in there yet, as the official opening time is 3pm, but the she and another woman 'Charlotte' come in early to set up lesson plans and things of the sort. Suzanne was giving me a tour, and asking me basic small talk questions that I had to completely make up on the spot.

Name: Jack Stevens
Wife: Molly Stevens
Son: Charlie Stevens, age 9
Town: Hingham

She began sharing the history of the company, and I'm sure it would have been interesting, but I was too busy frantically thinking about how I was going to get away, and trying to figure out whether I'd die if I jumped out the window. Finally she said "If you wouldn't mind waiting, I'll go print you out some forms you and your wife can take a look at". I agreed with a smile and when she was out of sight I BOLTED down the stairs, out the door, jumped in the truck and was out of the parking lot before I even had the door closed.

All I wanted was to film a 15 second comedy sketch for my Instagram followers, and instead I was trapped in that fiasco.
Moral of the story? You have no idea what I put myself through for the sake of entertaining you guys... a little more appreciation now and then wouldn't kill you, would it?!

Return of the living dead

Guess who?!

It's been well over a year since my last post, and by now this blog is like an abandoned Amusement Park... you can tell this was once a happy place where people had fun and enjoyed spending their time, but now it's just dark, cold, and devoid of life.

At it's height, "Jake's Day-To-Day" was beginning to gain a following, and those who read it gave me praise fairly regularly. It was never my intention to let that fall to ruin, but you know how things go, sometimes life gets complicated and while you're trying to figure everything out your hobbies fall by the wayside.

I don't know what inspired it, but today I was suddenly compelled to get out the cleaning supplies, strap on the tool belt, to try to bring this ol' gal back to life.

I can't promise I'll post something everyday... in fact it's almost definite that I WON'T, but I can promise that I'll do my very best to keep this alive, and one day return to it's past glory.

If any of my former readers are seeing this right now, all I can say is "thank you" for sticking by me.... and I must ask that you don't stray too far, I may need to recruit you to help me begin my climb back towards the top.

Nostalgia Takes Hold

Earlier this afternoon I was wrapping up some errands, when I decided to go on a bit of a cruise around Malden (as I rarely have a vehicle available during the daytime). As I made my way down Salem street, I found myself coming up on my old middle school, Mystic Valley. When I passed I noticed the students outside enjoying their recess. Sounds of laughter and cheer filled the air, and I was suddenly overcome with envy.

I'm sure these kids are told all the time by their elders to enjoy themselves as much as possible because these are some of the best days of their lives. I'm also sure they brush it off every time they hear it... I know I used to. You see, when you're a kid you feel powerless and unappreciated, and all you want is to be an adult. Then you become an adult, and while it has plenty of perks, nostalgia becomes a constant in your life.

As I reflected, I suddenly found myself transported into the halls of that old building. It's not until years later that you realize the significance of that age. The relationships you cultivate, decisions you make, these things all help lay the foundation of the person you're going to become... I kept thinking, if I had only known then what I know now imagine what different directions my life may have taken.

When you're a kid, everything is overly dramatic and seems like the end of the world. Crushes, unrequited love, jealousy, losing friends, gaining enemies. But when you measure that petty stuff up to growing up, having responsibilities, people who depend on you, trying to find a direction for your future, and having a mountain of debt casting a shadow over your life, there's no comparison.

I won't lie, I miss it. Dare I say, I was even jealous


It was at this moment I snapped back to reality and realized I was holding up traffic, while simultaneously staring at a bunch of middle school kids playing in a schoolyard...... I promptly sped off hoping nobody had the sense to write down my license plate number.

Facing my (musical) demons

If you know me, you know I have a very eclectic music taste. You also know I sometimes tend to be a bit of a snob about it. I've been developing a bad habit lately of harshly criticizing people when I find out they listen to music I don't particularly enjoy *Cough Cough* COUNTRY *Cough Cough*. Not wanting to be seen as a jerk who sits on his musical pedestal and judges people's preferences while feeling infallible, I thought I'd open up a bit and reveal that even I am capable of having my "guilty pleasures" when it comes to my tracks. Thus, I ventured into the bowels of my collection to compile a list of ten of the most embarrassing songs I secretly enjoy. Now, I didn't go on an extensive search through all of my files to seek these out, I simply opened up my iTunes, and scrolled my playlists for the ridiculous things hidden within.

Please note: The following list is not in any particular order, just how they surfaced during my search.

10: Dead Or Alive: You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)

This song is one of the more popular ones on the list, by which I mean I'm sure a LOT more people out there than would like to admit, love this song. What it is about this track that is so entertaining? Is it the overly dramatic vocals? The absurdly flamboyant lead singer? The fact that the beat screams 1980's? Who knows. All I know is that it's impossible not to enjoy at least to some extent.

9: Stevie Knicks: Edge of Seventeen

Maybe it's because I'm fascinated by how Stevie's voice sounds like some kind of goat-woman hybrid, or maybe it's because I often confuse the opening riff with "Eye of the Tiger", whatever the appeal is I'm a big fan of this song and you should be too.

  

8: The Carpenters: Close to You

Now this song is tricky, because it's a true classic. It's beautifully written, and the late Karen Carpenter was truly talented. The reason I decided to add this one to the list is simply due to the fact that it contradicts my image so strongly it's comical. When strangers see me walking down the street the size I am, rocking a beard and an "I don't want to go to work" scowl, they expect me to be listening to death metal not a sweet upbeat ballad. 

7: Falco: Rock Me Amadeus

This is another 80's song (there are a couple more ahead, so get ready). I assume that his song is about the life and times of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart... I say "assume" because I don't speak German. Oh yeah, this song isn't in English, so like me I'm sure a lot people have no idea whats going on. Now the reason why I enjoy this song so much despite the fact that I can't understand it, is because it's catchy as all hell. In fact I challenge anyone who reads this to listen to at least half of the song and NOT spend the rest of the day chanting "Amadeus! Amadeus! Oh! Oh! Oh! AMADEUS!"... I know I will be

6: Kanjagoogoo: Too Shy

I wasn't lying when I said there would be more 80's music on the list, and this one is coated in the sleek dazzling veneer of the nineteen eighties. The slightly obnoxious verses, the killer hook, the use of instruments like the keyboard and electric drums, the androgynous lead singer.. It's a song that you may or may not be familiar with, but if you are "lucky" enough to be, you'll never admit how much you actually love it.

5: Wham: Wake Me Up (Before You Go-Go)

(Last 80's song, I promise) Let's stop kidding ourselves here... we all know this song, and even those of us who despise it, love it deep down. The verses have no substance, the chorus is repetitive, the clothing and dancing are absurd, and that's just the way the world has wanted it for the past 28 years. I know for a fact many of you reading this let out an audible groan as soon as you saw this one, but even now as you listen to it you're fighting off that smile that desperately wants to come across your face. Trust me I'm the same way... I loathe everything about this song, but I'm secure enough to admit that when it comes on my iPod I huff and puff, but can't bring myself to turn it off.

4: Enrique Iglesias: Bailamos

If you grew up in my era, there's a 99% chance you're familiar with this song. The song is actually pretty lame, and I truly have no use for Enrique, but I don't know, there's just something about it that stands out. When I hear this song it takes me back to 5th grade when I used to sing the chorus as " Here's my mole! Let the Doctor rip it right off of my nose!".... good times. 

3: Natalie Imbruglia: Torn

Young attractive woman, with a sweet voice, singing about how sad she is after losing her boyfriend. A perfectly respectable song to be a fan of... unless you're a 5'10 290lb 22 year old man with a full beard. But what can I say? When you grow up in the 1990's with an older sister, this kind of music gets drilled into your brain. I chock my enjoyment of it up to nostalgia and choose not to dwell on it any longer than that.

2: Kylie Minogue: Can't Get You Out Of My Head

This is another of those songs that I don't actually like, but I enjoy listening to it. The reason for that is yet again, due to nostalgia. I remember being completely enthralled by this video whenever it was on, and if you'd like to know why go ahead and fast-forward to minute 1:10-2:30. Now imagine being an 11 year old boy watching this... I think the rest is self explanatory

1: Britney Spears: (You Drive Me) Crazy

Growing up in the 1990's my generation experienced first hand the (various) rises and falls of Ms. Spears. Girls and boys alike all had/have one Britney Spears song that they can't deny they like. This one happens to be mine, and I'm not nearly as ashamed about that as I should be.... Go ahead and judge me! I dare you!

So that will about do it for my list. In all honestly, I could probably make a novel out of all the songs I'm embarrassed about enjoying. However, I won't subject you to that pain, or myself to the torture of digging them all up. At any rate, I appreciate you taking the time to read this post, and maybe I've inspired you to face your own musical demons.... I'm going to go listen to Led Zeppelin now and regain my masculinity.

Operation: Shadow Watch day 1

Yesterday was the official beginning of ‘Operation: Shadow Watch.’ It started out a little bumpy, but by the end it panned out quite well. Allow me to elaborate:

If you’ve been keeping up with my blog lately, you know what I’m taking about, but if you not then all you really need to know is the fact that this week I am taking care of my neighbor’s dog “Shadow” *pictured above* while they’re on vacation (though I suggest you go back and read the earlier post so you’ll be on the same page as everyone else…

Now I’ve never really had any extended interaction with this dog before, so I was a little unsure of just how he would take to me. Nevertheless I bucked up and reminded myself of the fact that animals have always seemed to like me, so this one shouldn’t be any different…but we would soon see if that was indeed the case.

My neighbors had let him out to do his ‘business’ yesterday morning before they left, so I didn’t have to worry about waking up extra early to handle it. I woke up at about 11(no classes Tuesdays and Thursdays), had a quick breakfast, and decided it was time to head over. Key tightly in hand, I slowly began my ascent up the long steep staircase leading to the front door. It was eerily silent for a few moments, but as soon as I inserted the key into the lock, frenzied barking was heard coming from inside. I disengaged the lock, gripped the doorknob, and took a deep breath before I opened the door. When Shadow saw me standing there as opposed to a member of his family, he barked a few more times and crouched down low, not taking his eyes off of me. I instantly knelt down and outstretched my hand for him to smell to see I wasn’t a threat. He did sniff it a few times, but then quickly turned and distanced himself from me.

I scanned the room, and suddenly my eyes caught a bag of treats on the counter, which gave me an idea… I would slip him a few, and essentially bribe him into liking me! I grabbed the bag, and pulled one out to offer him, but he just smelled it and turned away. Troubled by the fact that I was about to spend the next seven days with a dog that hated me, I noticed his tail was between his legs, he was crouched down low, and he was shivering a bit (which I thought was odd for such a large dog). That’s when I realized, it wasn’t that he didn’t like me… he was terrified of me!

After a few more attempts at offering a treat, he eventually accepted it from me, and in my joy of the breakthrough I gave him about four more. He finally began to relax a bit, and went over to curl up on the left side of the couch. Seeing this as a chance to get him used to me being around, I sat down on the opposite side, and put on the television.

I was watching the movie ‘Beerfest’ but it was on basic cable, so it was only about ½ as entertaining as usual. Somewhere along the way I ended up falling asleep, but was eventually woken up by air being blown on me. I opened my eyes to see myself face-to-face with Shadow. Now, the last time I was this close to a dog’s face, I ended up with a lot of stitches and a couple unsightly scars in my lips (but that is a different story for a different time) so naturally I couldn’t help but be terrified. My heart began to race, and I was in the process of kissing my meal ticket goodbye, when he lunged at me. I closed my eyes waiting for the pain. But What I felt instead was a dog tongue all over my face. I couldn’t help but laugh, and thus was the start of a beautiful friendship.

I was planning on taking him out for a walk today when I got home from class, to try and pick up some chicks (and thus test of that actually does work), but if this rain keep up it won’t happen. Maybe tomorrow if the weather clears up?

Tune in for the next installment.              

Operation: Shadow Watch

Before I get into anything… YES, I do realize recently my blog posts have been minimal and erratic. I apologize for that, but the fact of the matter is that I haven’t had much going on lately, or at least nothing that is worthy enough to share with you all. I want to give you only the most entertaining anecdotes of my life, so when the only thing I can find to write about it how I have nothing to write about, I don’t bother wasting your time. However, have no fear! I think I may have a live one here, folks.

Let me begin by bringing you up to speed with some brief background information: I live at the bottom of a dead end hill, and when I was growing up there were woods (actually just a thick grove of trees that we all called ‘the woods’) directly across the street from my house, which always gave us a feeling of real privacy. A few years back someone purchased the land, tore down all the trees and put up a duplex. The residents of my street were very unhappy, and are still a bit sensitive about it to this day (although that’s another story for another time). On the bright side, though, at least we got some good neighbors out of the deal. The newlywed couple on the left side moved out after about two years and we now have a young bachelor who is very friendly, though hardly ever home, and on the right side there is a very nice family of Michelle, her husband Sergio, their young son Jacob, and their dog Shadow. I've had  few conversations with members of the family, but I've never really had any hands on interaction with Shadow, though he is always running around the street with little Jacob.

Just so you can get a visual, the dog in question is half Black Lab and half Great Dane, so you could only imagine the size, and I always joke that there is a black horse running around my street.

Well last week Michelle approached me and told me that she and her family were going to Florida for vacation from the 12^th to the 19^th, and asked if I would have any interest in watching Shadow for them. Naturally I said I would love to, as I’m a big fan of dogs (though I am adamantly a cat-person) and it’s not like walking directly across the street to play with a dog is exactly strenuous work, haha.

Saturday morning I went to meet Shadow (who likes me… at least as far as I could tell) and speak to Michelle so she could give me the rundown for when to feed him, let him out, etc. 

It wasn't until today that I realized, because this is a new experience for me, and as I've been bit short on blog material lately, that starting next week I will begin ‘Operation: Shadow Watch’ documenting the daily events as they unfold. Hopefully you will all stick with me through the journey, and hopefully my efforts to care for this canine behemoth will keep you all sufficiently entertained. Stay tuned for day one which should be coming up probably next Monday the 11th, or if not then definitely next Tuesday, the 12th .         

IN-jake-TION

The past 5 days I’ve been going through a strange phenomenon that I dubbed “Double-Dreaming” where I have a short dream instantly after I fall asleep, and then later I have the ‘Main Dream’.

Now at first I thought nothing of these little pre-dreams, since they were quite brief and too hazy to really remember. However I kept having what seemed like the same one over and over, night after night, and each night it grew more and more vivid, until last night it seems to have fully formed as I can remember it perfectly. Because of this, I’m rather suspicious, and in the back of my mind (as foolish as I know it is) I can’t help but question if it was REALLY a dream or simply some kind of Inception situation I should not have seen. Let me explain the progression of the dream and you can come up with your own conclusion…..

Last Sunday night the instant I rolled over to go to sleep, (I think it was even before I was actually fully asleep because I felt conscious) a brief dream kicked up but it was just a bright blur, and I fell into deep sleep before I could give it another thought.

Monday night was the same deal, as the instant I shut my eyes to go to sleep I was hurled into the weird pre-dream. Again, it was a bright blur, but I could hear the constant beeping of a hospital heart rate monitor. Again after just a few seconds it ended and I’m assuming I had another dream after, thought I don’t remember it, and when I woke up I put it on the back burner and really thought nothing else of it.  

Tuesday night, the exact same thing as the instantly I laid down and shut my eyes the strange pre-dream began again, same bright blur, same constant heart rate, only now I could hear faint voices. The words were too muffled to make out, but it was quite obviously a conversation of some sort. But as before, after only a few seconds it ended and my real sleep began. I woke up the next morning and was very suspicious but chalked it up to the mysteries of dreamland, and went about my day.

Wednesday night(surprise, surprise) was the same ol’ song and dance, bright blur, heart rate monitor, muffled voices, however this time the brightness had subsided enough to make out smaller very dim, colored lights all around and dark silhouettes of what I concluded was people walking around, though I couldn’t make out any features. As always, it ended rather abruptly and I proceeded into another dream (this one was particularly frightening, as I got baked into a pie by an elderly couple…. But that’s another story for another day) but when I woke up I really took notice and was struck by the peculiarity of this ever progressing dream, however I decided before I would settle in and really try to analyze it, I’d give it one more night and see if I had it again, and if so, if anything more compelling came to light next time around.

Oh boy did it ever! Last night the same routine, bright blur, heart rate monitor, muffled voices, faded colored lights, silhouettes, however after a moment my eyes began to focus, and I could eventually see everything as clearly as this computer screen is right now….

I was laying on my back in a bed with baby blue sheet draped over me. I couldn’t move any part of my body except for my head slightly from side to side. The room was a giant circle which was a nearly blinding white, there were various people in long white lab coats puttering around, and the center of the room was a huddled mass of equipment that looked like giant computer hard drives. On these devices were small red, green, and blue lights which I identified as the ones I saw through the haze in earlier dreams. Upon looking around the circle (the parts I could see with my limited head movement) I could see countless other unrecognizable people in beds just like I was, and hooked up to various machines. I turned to my left and saw a familiar face…. Andrew Brown was next to me; however he looked to be unconscious. I tried to call out to him, but my voice was very quiet and weak. I was unable to see who was to my right s there was equipment in the way.

Suddenly I heard a female voice say, “OH! Doctor? Number 24 is awake, again.” At that moment, a man seemed to magically appear at the foot of my bed reading something off of a clipboard. He was bald in the middle of his head with short brown hair on the sides. He had glasses on, and the knot of a dark green tie could be seen poking out from above his white lab coat. He turned to his side, farther than I could look, and he said, “Nurse, please prepare the shot.” Then he looked down at me, smiled and said, “You’ve been giving us quite a bit of trouble lately, Mr. Amirault.” I was unable to respond and after a second a woman dressed as a nurse from the 1950’s (white dress, little hat, the whole nine yards) came into view. She was very attractive with short curly brown hair, and a very pretty face. The doctor told her to ‘proceed’ and she leaned over me and lifted up my right arm. In one hand she held my arm, and in the other she brandished a rather large syringe filled with a neon yellow substance. I got very frightened at this point, but my cries of fear were nearly inaudible. The Doctor must have noticed my discomfort and said, “Now, Now Mr. Amirault. Its ok, you’ll forget all about this unfortunate event by the time you wake up.” I looked back up at the nurse who was now tying a rubber strap around my bicep, and tapping on the inside of my arm (where blood tests are usually performed). She slid the needle into my arm and pushed the plunger, but I couldn’t even feel it. The Doctor asked, “Do you have a preference as to what kind of dream you have tonight, or shall we just choose for you?” I was scared and confused and could only manage to answer with a weak, “What?” when suddenly it went dark.

I woke up this morning very shaken. I’ve always been prone to having wild and vivid dreams, but this one was different. In a weird way, this one was REALLY realistic, and I don’t know how I feel about it. I know it was just a dream, but I can’t simply ignore the fact that it had been developing for days, and the Doctor even said my lack of staying asleep was causing them ‘a lot of trouble lately’. Maybe the injection was supposed to wipe my memory but it didn’t work on me. Who knows!

Have I accidently caught a glimpse to a horrible truth I never should have seen? It’s highly unlikely…. But I’ll let you be the judge.                   

Buffalo Flavored Nightmare

Yes, I realize it's been a very long time since my last post. I had a good story to share about a week ago, spent a LONG time writing it, but when I tried to upload it, the site logged me out, and I lost all of my progress except for a paragraph or two that automatically saved. Having invested 2 hours into writing it, only to have nothing to show for it was crushing, and I couldn't bring myself to rewrite it right away. However, due to a lack of interesting events in my life, I've decided to give it another shot, so my readers wont think I've forgotten about them. This version is not as polished as the original, but it's as good as I can recall at this point.....

Just under a week ago, I was sitting at home, watching politics with my father, just relaxing. All of a sudden, I was struck with an intense desire to make 'Buffalo Chicken Dip' (strange, I know, but what can I say? I'm a bit of an odd duck, haha).

When it became apparent that this craving was not going to go away until I actually consumed some dip, I decided to head to Stop&Shop. Once there, I was rather disappointed that nothing interesting happened(usually Stop&Shop late at night is a hot-bed of strange stuff), but with no distractions, I got what I needed and was out of there in record time. As I pulled out of the parking lot, I realized I had forgotten to pick up something to drink, and not wanting to return to the grocery store, I decided I would head to the Walgreen's on Main St in Melrose that I frequent.

En route, I was growing increasingly furious that all of the radio stations seem to go to commercials at the same exact time... SIX preset stations, ALL commercials at the same time! It's maddening! As I entered Melrose, I tried my luck with Kiss 108 and was pleasantly surprised to hear they were playing Santeria by Sublime (a rare treat). Being a big Sublime fan, I happily turned it up as I made my entrance into the Walgreen's parking lot. I turned off the engine and made my way into the store with a totally unnecessary strut.

Once inside, I made eye contact with the cashier who is often there when I drop by, and he gave me a 'Cool-Guy Head Nod'. I shot one back at him, and made a B-line towards the aisle with all the refrigerated drinks and food are, so I could grab myself an Arnold Palmer. I turned the corner to see an exceptionally attractive girl rummaging through the fridge with all the Arizona beverages. Needing to get in there myself, I patiently waited my turn when she noticed me and said:

Girl: I'm sorry, am I in your way?
Me: No worries, take your time.
Girl: (smiling) Thank you

Now, the Gentlemen in me didn't want to push this lovely lady out of the way, but the 20 year old College guy in me just wanted her to keep digging so I could continue to check her out (so sue me...). This girl was stunning, and just my type. Average height, dark wavy hair, nice body, well dressed, great smile, NATURALLY tan (not that artificial stuff girls do these days that turn them, orange). She even had glasses which is one of my lesser known turn-ons.

As I stood there simultaneously admiring her and trying to come up with something clever to say, I suddenly heard her call out "OH!" and I heard a thud. A can of Cranberry flavored Arizona Iced-Tea came rolling to a stop at my feet. I picked it up and she said:

Girl: I'm so sorry!
Me: Think nothing of it(new phrase I'm trying out, btw), But I don't think you're going to want this back....
Girl: how come?

I turned the can over and revealed to her the massive dent that had formed by the can smacking into the floor. She looked a little upset and asked me what she should do with it. I took this opportunity to impress her with my suave coolness, and told her not to worry. I proceeded to explain to her that behind the rows of drinks is a large cold storage room, so the people restocking can go back there, and just put the cans on the shelf and they slide down to the front. So I opened the door, and said "We'll just slide it up to the back... out of sight out of mind." So I did as I said I would and slid the can towards the back of the shelf, however I put just a bit too much force behind it and it slid back and dropped off slamming on the floor of the storage room. I assume the can had punctured because a loud hiss was heard, though I couldn't see anything, so who knows for sure. I turned back around and the girl was standing there, her eyes open wide, and her hands over her mouth. There was a moment of silence and finally I said:

Me: There's No chance you'd believe that I MEANT to do that, is there?

She lowered her hands from her mouth to reveal she was smiling, and we simultaneously broke out into boisterous laughter. All of a sudden, from around the corner came three guys, or as I call them "King Douche and the two Bags". It's difficult to explain what exactly it was, but just by looking at them it was clear they qualified for my hatred (I know many of you know the type I mean) Suddenly King Douche puts his arm around the beautiful stranger and said:

King Douche: Did you get your drinks, yet, Babe?
Girl: Oh, No, but I'm all set
King Douche; GOOD! I want to get out of here, and you're taking forever!

As they turned to go, I spoke up:

Me: Well, it was Very nice talking to you
Girl; (smiling) Thanks! You too!

They exited from sight but not before I got the evil eyes from K.D. As they turned the corner I heard him questioning her about who I was, so I felt a sense of personal victory because I made him suspicious.

I reopened the fridge, but it seemed the hissing had stopped. I got myself an Arnold Palmer and proceeded towards the front. I made forced small talk with the cashier, paid and proceeded to the exit. I noticed the Beautiful Stranger and her Clown Crew were still outside as one of the two Bags was smoking a cigarette. I made my way past K.D who was clearly sizing me up. I looked at his lovely girlfriend, smiled and said "Enjoy your night" she returned the words, and whist still locked into eye contact with her, I activated my car's auto-start. Suddenly Bon Jovi's "Bad Medicine" came blasting out of the speakers, and I strutted to my vehicle. Before I made my way out of the lot, I pulled up along side the group and said to the young lady, "Wanna go for a ride?" her eyes lit up, and she sprinted to the car, jumped into the passenger seat, and we drove off into the night...................................................







Ok, obviously that's not quite how it ended, as much as I would have liked it to.
here is the (Tragic) true ending......

Everything was perfect up until we wishsed each other a good night and I pulled out the auto-starter. It was no sooner that I pushed the button that I remembered the horrible truth..... The last station the car radio was on was Kiss 108! Before my brain could even process a pained "NOOOO!" the engine kicked on and Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl" came blaring out of the speakers. I raced over to the car to turn it off, but the damage had already been done. I looked up and saw the beautiful stranger looking humiliated, while King Douche and the two Bags were practically rolling on the ground in laughter.

All I wanted was some Buffalo Chicken Dip, but what I got instead was crushing embarassment. This night shall live in infamy as the night of my 'Buffalo Flavored Nightmare'             

Making an unwanted friend....

Winter Break is winding down, and as we all know, Weekends have no real meaning during vacation.

That being said, this weekend has been pretty good so far (at least for you readers who are looking for some entertainment)

Let me take you to Friday.
The day began like a majority of the days this vacation...Not much went on, just slept in, kicked back and relaxed all day.
Finally the sun began to set and I got ready to head to the movies with Brendan Norton, Susan Grimmo, Christian Chrysos, and Alex Accardi. We went into Cambridge to see 'Blue Valentine'

For those of you interested in seeing it, I wont give too much away, but I'll give a real bare-bones review:

At the very beginning I failed to see the overall point of the movie, and as a result I struggled getting into it. However as it progressed I started to really enjoy it. Personally I think Ryan Gosling did a great job and really pulled out all the stops in his performance. Michelle Williams also played her role quite well, it just didn't stand out as much. There were however some flaws to the film, most notably the fact that the writer quite obviously intended 'Cindy' (Michelle Williams' character) to be more of the 'Bad Guy' and get the audience to side with 'Dean' (Ryan Gosling's character).
Now the reason I say that it was intended to be that way is because there was a large focus on Dean's past, showing his work ethic, how he interacts with people, etc. Where as Cindy had very little character development from past to present. As a result, the audience (myself included) really couldn't relate to Cindy because we didn't know anything about her.
That being said, overall I give the movie a B/B+... not perfect, but still really good. If you're thinking of seeing it, I recommend it.

Now lets be honest, those of you reading this most likely came to read about something comical or interesting that happened to me, not my Half-Assed movie reviews. So I have an entertaining encounter to share:

First, any guys reading this can relate to the story I'm about to tell as we've all experienced it at one point or another and it's always horrible. But any ladies reading, let me fill you in... there is an unwritten  law of manhood that states, if you go into a public restroom, and someone is using one of the urinals, if there are other urinals available, under NO circumstances is it acceptable to go up and use the one directly next to the stranger already going.... the problem is, not everyone out there abides by this law. When you face one of these 'lawbreakers' you get a similar situation like the one I had...

We had just sat down in the theater, and the trailers had begun when I realized I had to use the restroom. I waited for a lull in the movie(as I had mentioned, it was difficult getting into at first), and I made my move. Now the interesting thing about this particular theater which, by the way, was just called "Cinema" (that point has nothing to do with the story, but as a guy who frequents 'National Amusements Showcase Cinemas' I just found it a little odd) is that you need to go on a Journey to get to the bathroom. You need to go up a flight of stairs, and then proceed down a long, narrow, winding, poorly lit hallway. The bathroom itself is very nice and clean, and I wont lie, I was relieved to see I was the only one in there. I started towards the Urinals, but stopped for a moment or two to check myself out in the mirror.

Suddenly I heard a very faint noise in the distance. As it slowly grew louder I identified it as whistling. Having just been through the spooky hallway, combined with the acoustics of the bathroom, the disembodied sound of whistling getting closer and closer to me made me absolutely terrified. I raced over to the urinals, but before I could even loosen my belt, the door popped open and in stepped a strange man. He was an older gent, probably late 50's-early 60's, short, balding, glasses, and thick beard stubble. He just stood in the doorway and looked at me. Trying desperately not to make eye contact with him I looked straight ahead, but with my peripherals I saw he was beginning his approach towards me. Just as I had finished saying in my head "please don't come up next to me!" He settled in the Urinal directly to my right.

Now ladies, the aforementioned 'unwritten law' about not using the urinal next to stranger? That's inappropriate, but to proceed to strike up a conversation with said stranger, is completely unacceptable..... guess what our friend the Whistler did?

Whistler: (sounds of relief upon use of the urinal) AHHHH-OHHHH!
Me:.....
Whistler: How's it going?
Me.....Fine......
Whistler: Good! Good!
Me.....
Whistler: So... what are you seeing?
Me:.....Blue Valentine.....
Whistler: Nice how is it?
Me: ...Fine...
Whistler: AHHH-OHHH! Feels great, you know what I mean? hahahahaha
Me: (almost in tears of discomfort) ......... yeah.......


Luckily, after what seemed like an eternity, I had completed my 'Business' and dashed out back to the theater.

Let me take a second to clarify, I'm sure he was just being friendly. I don't have issue with people being nice to each other, But at the urinal in the public bathroom is not the time nor the place. No man (with the apparent exception of Chatty-Cathy here) is comfortable talking to another strange man whilst they are in a position as vulnerable as that. As a result, I was being very cold towards him, intentionally giving him short and quick responses. I wasn't TRYING to be a jerk, I just really wanted him to stop talking to me, or at least wait until we were at the sinks. But sadly.... that was not the case.

I realize this particular post is starting to go much longer than my past updates, so I'll wrap it up before it gets tedious for those of you reading, haha. 

Until next post....

    

Not much to report

I suppose I should begin by apologizing for the fact that it's been a few days since my last update.

First off I need to acknowledge the fact that the last time I updated I had only 2 followers, and now I have 6. I realize this has been chiefly due to my good friend TORI IOVANNI, who has recently taken it upon herself to begin a campaign to get followers for this blog. Thank You very much, and keep it up... That goes for the rest of my followers as well. If you like what you read here, don't hesitate to get the word out. The more followers I have the more inclined I'll be to keep up with it on a more regular basis.

Now, my last post was the story of my encounter of the two very large girls and their search for "Reeesins", and those who have read it have been giving it a lot of praise. As a result of that, I was hesitant to update again until I had another tale to share, unfortunately not much excitement has been going on lately. This is mainly due to the fact that my 'Crew' is still in shambles.
Andrew Brown is off living in Monaco where he will be spending the Spring semester (lucky bastard)

Francis Brown is still busy with his duties as manager of the Boston University Basketball team

Brendan Howard is on 'Alternative Winter Break' down in Honduras building houses for poor people (I know... I'm, Uhh..... Jealous?)

So that just leaves myself and Brendan Norton, which is great, don't get me wrong, but you can only go on so many 'Man-Dates' before you need a little rest from each other, haha.

However, tomorrow is Friday and thus, the start of the weekend (not that weekends have any meaning whilst on Vacation) so hopefully I'll stumble on something more interesting, as I have tendency to do. But if not... I may just have to go looking for a story, to keep you, my precious followers, entertained.
  

Jake vs the 'Reesins'

Today was a pretty low-key day. Not much went on in terms of entertainment, just me lounging around the house, relaxing a bit. It wasn't until around 11, when everyone in my house had decided to go to bed that I suddenly got horribly stir-crazy. In an attempt to cure it, I grabbed my keys and headed out for a short cruise around town.

Shortly after I headed out, I found myself driving past Stop&Shop. I decided to drop in and peruse the aisles for a while to kill a little time, and also see if I could score some snacks to enjoy when I got back home to watch tv and update this blog.

I eventually found myself in the candy aisle, and was thinking about how much I despise Dark Chocolate when I was suddenly cast into shadow. I turned to my left and saw two STRIKINGLY massive girls slowly making their way towards me. My 4+ years in retail have helped me form the ability to know when someone is going to approach me and ask me something, so in order to look too busy to chat I quickly picked up a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup and started reading the ingredients. Alas, it didn't work, as I heard one girl tell the other, "Just ask him." and I prepared myself. The conversation I had went exactly like this:

Girl: excuse me, can I ask you a question?
Me: ....suuuuuuure....
Girl: Do you know where I can find Reeeesins?
Me: I'm sorry, what are you looking for?
Girl: Reeeesins! You know, their like grapes, but they're dry and wrinkly.

at this point my brain was telling me there was no way this conversation could be real, but I kept it together and said:

Me: do you mean RAISINS? Yeah, If I'm not mistaken the next aisle over has the Raisins and Craisins and all that stuff.

upon hearing this the girls eyes lit up and she said:

Girl: OOOOH! 'Craisins'?! Are those the ones with the Chocolate on them?!
Me: No? They're Raisins just made from Cranberries as opposed to Grapes.
Girl: Ooh that too bad,..... well it's still cool. Are those new or something?

At this point I physically looked around expecting to see Ashton Kutcher standing behind me telling me I was being 'Punked'. However when I didn't see any hidden cameras coming out of the Snicker's bars, I looked back at her and realized she was in fact being serious, and I needed to respond:

Me: No, They've been around  for a while, but they're not s popular as Raisins, so that might be why you haven't heard of them.
Girl: Yeah, that would make sense...
Me:....
Girl....

The looming silence made all the more apparent the fact that there was absolutely no reason for this girl to still be standing there, breathing heavily, and performing an eclipse over the lights of the supermarket. I then noticed  her equally large friend on the approach, and I knew I had to act fast and distract them long enough for me to make a break for it. Then it came to me:

Me: But, if you're looking for the ones with the chocolate, they're called 'Raisinets', and they're considered candy so they should be somewhere in this aisle.
Girl's Friend: o0o0o0o0o0o0o0oh! Let's get some, Sarah!

When 'Sarah' and her nameless friend were distracted by the thought of diving into a few thousand boxes of Raisinets, I made my escape, and safely returned home, to share this story here via the Blog.... and so there you have it. Not the most thrilling day, but at least I got a decent enough story out of it, haha 

Highs and Lows

Today was an interesting day. Unfortunately, not exactly the GOOD kind of interesting. It seemed like for every positive that came my way, it was immediately overshadowed by a negative.

First: I finally got some time to settle in and play some of the video games I got for Christmas, only to find my XboxLive subscription had expired, so I was unable to join my friends... Minor, but still a 'downer'

Then: I scored myself a perfect schedule for next semester, only to have then send me an e-mail this morning saying I am in danger of being unregistered due to lack of payment, despite the fact that the only reason I haven't paid is because I never received a bill from the University.

And finally: In honor of one of my best friends, Andrew Brown's upcoming semester in Monaco, the "Crew" and I went to Jimmy's Steer House for dinner. However on my way out the door, my parents decided that was the ideal time to let me know they made an appointment to have my cat put to sleep this Friday.

You know, I've often heard the belief that the Universe has a way of balancing itself out, but I never thought much of it, until today that is. I'm still skeptical, but if it IS true, lets just hope this doesn't become the norm, and every once and  while I can get some Positives to out weigh the Negatives.  

 

Entering the Blog-o-Sphere

As an aspiring writer, family and friends alike have been trying to push me to get a blog. For a long while I put it off thinking Blogs were just for Hipsters and Douches who hang out in Starbucks for hours on end.

However, between school, work, and a social life, I haven't had much time to do any actual writing. As a result, I decided a blog would be a good way to fill my desire for being creative, without taking up too much of my limited free time.
Once that decision had been made, came the issue of exactly what to write bout. Realizing there were far more topics I'm NOT qualified to write about as those I am, I find myself struggling to come up with ideas.

So I have decided to make it bout my day to day activities, no matter how humdrum they may be. I will see how that goes for a while, and if it is a miserable flop, I'll be seeking out  better more long term topic.