I will preface this story by bringing everybody up to speed on something: I currently have a job as a maintenance-man for a parking company. I do work at a number of lots/garages all over southern MA, so a majority of my time is spent in the company truck. Being on the road so much, jumping from town to town, you tend to see some interesting things.
Today while on my route, I drove by a children's tutoring center called "Mathnasium" you know, like a gymnasium... just with more math...
Finding the name humorous, I was inspired to film an "Instavideo" (or Instagram video, for those of you who aren't up on your social network slang)
I pulled into the parking lot, and hopped out to start setting up my shot. I wasn't there more than a minute when the front door suddenly swung open and one of the employees came outside. She began questioning who I was, what I wanted, why I was taking pictures of their building, etc.
I was frozen, like a deer in the headlights. I held my breath, my heart began to pound, and I suddenly found myself facing what is commonly referred to as "Fight or Flight." For those of you not familiar with this concept this is when an animal faces a situation it deems dangerous, so some turn and run as fast as they can, others turn and attack to defend themselves.
Now if I had chosen "flight" I could have very easily just pounced into my truck and sped off, I could have even tried the old slapstick routine where I point behind her and scream "LOOK OVER THERE!" and when she turned I could make my escape.
Unfortunately, this isn't what my brain decided to do. It decided to "fight".... and boy did it ever!
Me: Oh, uhh, well, I was just passing by and your sign caught my eye, so I decided to pull in and get a closer look.
Her: May I ask what you were taking pictures of?
Now at this time, I could have just told her the truth. This woman didn't know me, and she'd certainly never see me again, so who cares what she thought... right? Wrong! See, that's how a RATIONAL person thinks, but not Jake Amirault! I summoned all of my bullshitting skills that I've been cultivating over the past 23 years and pressed on:
Me: I wanted to send it to my wife so she could do a little research... we're looking at programs for our son.
Her: Oh, well as you could probably deduce from our name, our main focus is on mathematics. Is that one of his problem areas?
Me: Indeed it is... He gets it honestly, I'm afraid. Kid never had a chance.
**we shared a laugh**
Her: Well, if you'd like to come inside I'll show you around, tell you a bit more about us and get you some paperwork.
here's the kicker, everybody... I AGREED!
I followed her inside, and she introduced herself as the "Center Director" Suzanne, very nice woman by the way, but that's neither here nor there. There were no kids in there yet, as the official opening time is 3pm, but the she and another woman 'Charlotte' come in early to set up lesson plans and things of the sort. Suzanne was giving me a tour, and asking me basic small talk questions that I had to completely make up on the spot.
Name: Jack Stevens
Wife: Molly Stevens
Son: Charlie Stevens, age 9
Town: Hingham
She began sharing the history of the company, and I'm sure it would have been interesting, but I was too busy frantically thinking about how I was going to get away, and trying to figure out whether I'd die if I jumped out the window. Finally she said "If you wouldn't mind waiting, I'll go print you out some forms you and your wife can take a look at". I agreed with a smile and when she was out of sight I BOLTED down the stairs, out the door, jumped in the truck and was out of the parking lot before I even had the door closed.
All I wanted was to film a 15 second comedy sketch for my Instagram followers, and instead I was trapped in that fiasco.
Moral of the story? You have no idea what I put myself through for the sake of entertaining you guys... a little more appreciation now and then wouldn't kill you, would it?!
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