Buffalo Flavored Nightmare

Yes, I realize it's been a very long time since my last post. I had a good story to share about a week ago, spent a LONG time writing it, but when I tried to upload it, the site logged me out, and I lost all of my progress except for a paragraph or two that automatically saved. Having invested 2 hours into writing it, only to have nothing to show for it was crushing, and I couldn't bring myself to rewrite it right away. However, due to a lack of interesting events in my life, I've decided to give it another shot, so my readers wont think I've forgotten about them. This version is not as polished as the original, but it's as good as I can recall at this point.....

Just under a week ago, I was sitting at home, watching politics with my father, just relaxing. All of a sudden, I was struck with an intense desire to make 'Buffalo Chicken Dip' (strange, I know, but what can I say? I'm a bit of an odd duck, haha).

When it became apparent that this craving was not going to go away until I actually consumed some dip, I decided to head to Stop&Shop. Once there, I was rather disappointed that nothing interesting happened(usually Stop&Shop late at night is a hot-bed of strange stuff), but with no distractions, I got what I needed and was out of there in record time. As I pulled out of the parking lot, I realized I had forgotten to pick up something to drink, and not wanting to return to the grocery store, I decided I would head to the Walgreen's on Main St in Melrose that I frequent.

En route, I was growing increasingly furious that all of the radio stations seem to go to commercials at the same exact time... SIX preset stations, ALL commercials at the same time! It's maddening! As I entered Melrose, I tried my luck with Kiss 108 and was pleasantly surprised to hear they were playing Santeria by Sublime (a rare treat). Being a big Sublime fan, I happily turned it up as I made my entrance into the Walgreen's parking lot. I turned off the engine and made my way into the store with a totally unnecessary strut.

Once inside, I made eye contact with the cashier who is often there when I drop by, and he gave me a 'Cool-Guy Head Nod'. I shot one back at him, and made a B-line towards the aisle with all the refrigerated drinks and food are, so I could grab myself an Arnold Palmer. I turned the corner to see an exceptionally attractive girl rummaging through the fridge with all the Arizona beverages. Needing to get in there myself, I patiently waited my turn when she noticed me and said:

Girl: I'm sorry, am I in your way?
Me: No worries, take your time.
Girl: (smiling) Thank you

Now, the Gentlemen in me didn't want to push this lovely lady out of the way, but the 20 year old College guy in me just wanted her to keep digging so I could continue to check her out (so sue me...). This girl was stunning, and just my type. Average height, dark wavy hair, nice body, well dressed, great smile, NATURALLY tan (not that artificial stuff girls do these days that turn them, orange). She even had glasses which is one of my lesser known turn-ons.

As I stood there simultaneously admiring her and trying to come up with something clever to say, I suddenly heard her call out "OH!" and I heard a thud. A can of Cranberry flavored Arizona Iced-Tea came rolling to a stop at my feet. I picked it up and she said:

Girl: I'm so sorry!
Me: Think nothing of it(new phrase I'm trying out, btw), But I don't think you're going to want this back....
Girl: how come?

I turned the can over and revealed to her the massive dent that had formed by the can smacking into the floor. She looked a little upset and asked me what she should do with it. I took this opportunity to impress her with my suave coolness, and told her not to worry. I proceeded to explain to her that behind the rows of drinks is a large cold storage room, so the people restocking can go back there, and just put the cans on the shelf and they slide down to the front. So I opened the door, and said "We'll just slide it up to the back... out of sight out of mind." So I did as I said I would and slid the can towards the back of the shelf, however I put just a bit too much force behind it and it slid back and dropped off slamming on the floor of the storage room. I assume the can had punctured because a loud hiss was heard, though I couldn't see anything, so who knows for sure. I turned back around and the girl was standing there, her eyes open wide, and her hands over her mouth. There was a moment of silence and finally I said:

Me: There's No chance you'd believe that I MEANT to do that, is there?

She lowered her hands from her mouth to reveal she was smiling, and we simultaneously broke out into boisterous laughter. All of a sudden, from around the corner came three guys, or as I call them "King Douche and the two Bags". It's difficult to explain what exactly it was, but just by looking at them it was clear they qualified for my hatred (I know many of you know the type I mean) Suddenly King Douche puts his arm around the beautiful stranger and said:

King Douche: Did you get your drinks, yet, Babe?
Girl: Oh, No, but I'm all set
King Douche; GOOD! I want to get out of here, and you're taking forever!

As they turned to go, I spoke up:

Me: Well, it was Very nice talking to you
Girl; (smiling) Thanks! You too!

They exited from sight but not before I got the evil eyes from K.D. As they turned the corner I heard him questioning her about who I was, so I felt a sense of personal victory because I made him suspicious.

I reopened the fridge, but it seemed the hissing had stopped. I got myself an Arnold Palmer and proceeded towards the front. I made forced small talk with the cashier, paid and proceeded to the exit. I noticed the Beautiful Stranger and her Clown Crew were still outside as one of the two Bags was smoking a cigarette. I made my way past K.D who was clearly sizing me up. I looked at his lovely girlfriend, smiled and said "Enjoy your night" she returned the words, and whist still locked into eye contact with her, I activated my car's auto-start. Suddenly Bon Jovi's "Bad Medicine" came blasting out of the speakers, and I strutted to my vehicle. Before I made my way out of the lot, I pulled up along side the group and said to the young lady, "Wanna go for a ride?" her eyes lit up, and she sprinted to the car, jumped into the passenger seat, and we drove off into the night...................................................







Ok, obviously that's not quite how it ended, as much as I would have liked it to.
here is the (Tragic) true ending......

Everything was perfect up until we wishsed each other a good night and I pulled out the auto-starter. It was no sooner that I pushed the button that I remembered the horrible truth..... The last station the car radio was on was Kiss 108! Before my brain could even process a pained "NOOOO!" the engine kicked on and Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl" came blaring out of the speakers. I raced over to the car to turn it off, but the damage had already been done. I looked up and saw the beautiful stranger looking humiliated, while King Douche and the two Bags were practically rolling on the ground in laughter.

All I wanted was some Buffalo Chicken Dip, but what I got instead was crushing embarassment. This night shall live in infamy as the night of my 'Buffalo Flavored Nightmare'